>Finally admit to grandmother that I’ve been slow to do stuff because I’ve been feeling sort of depressed the last month.
>Get told ‘Oh well nothing I can do’/indirectly told ‘I dont care’.
GEE, AND THIS FAMILY WONDERS WHY I DON’T TELL THEM WHAT I THINK ABOUT/FEEL ANYMORE.
It’s always ‘Another time’ or ‘Not right now’ or ‘I don’t care’.
The 12 years of verbal abuse and insults by the family, and the recent years of being told how ‘useful’ my friends are ‘unlike me’…that totally didn’t help. My family has APPARENTLY known since I was like 3 that I’d supposedly have ‘social development problems’…so their plan? Throw insults about me being an asshole or a lazy piece of shit or a mother fucker or freak or worthless or idiot or whatever else you can think of for over a decade. One of my favorites is when my mother accused me of helping the landlord/maintenance BREAK INTO OUR OWN HOME, AS WELL AS EVERYTHING ELSE THEY SEEMED TO HAVE DONE.
Yep. You’re right bitch; I was just faking my own ‘freak out’ about it. Yep. Your OCD, high intelligence, mentally neurotic, shy, socially stunted child who only had 1 friend and didn’t like just about anyone at the complex TOTALLY plotted with the landlord he barely knew/ever saw and the maintenance guy he didn’t like to HELP THEM BREAK IN AND POSSIBLY STEAL HIS OWN STUFF. YES, TOTALLY.
Oh, and you’re right grandmother. I TOTALLY faked those dates for all my payment days for work done for you and all that other stuff. Totally. NOT LIKE WE RECORDED IT TOGETHER AND YOU HAPPENED TO ‘LOSE’ THE PRINTED CALENDARS RIGHT BEFORE ALMOST EVERY PAYMENT. GOOD THING I FOUND THE LAST ONE I GOT PAID FOR, HUH?
I’d move out on my own/with friends to get away from this fucking family if I could…but I don’t know of anyone I could share a place with, and I sure as fuck don’t have a job/have an idea for a reliable job…I don’t even know if I could get a reliable job and/or wake myself in a reliable fashion in time to get to a job start time without help :/
EDIT - Oh, and this isn’t the first time I’ve been feeling depressed like this, or the first time I’ve actually called it ‘depression’. Every time, they’ve brushed it off. I’m sorry that my mental health is justTOO important for your time. “Find someone to talk to”, yeah grandmother? I WAS TRYING TO FUCKING TALK TO YOU…WHY DO YOU THINK YOU WERE THE FIRST ONE TOLD?! No, of course that didn’t cross your mind. “He must be using it as an excuse!” you probably thought.
This family is obsessed with thinking/saying that EVERYTHING people say is an excuse. “I have an appointment”, OH SHE HAS AN EXCUSE FOR NOT SHOWING.
"I have work, so I can’t help you move." OH SHE JUST DOESN’T WANT TO HELP. <—Actual thing regarding my mother’s friend(s) and our recent move.
In this family, if you say yes, you’re being helpful and working. You say no, and you’re being ‘rude’ or ‘lazy’. You say No, but try to explain why…and it’s always an ‘excuse’….except when they’re the ones doing that. Then they’re ‘justified’…